Tag: usa

An American Pride

Published on by #CMLovelace1 Comment

When I was a kid I was so proud to proclaim my American status to anyone, wether they cared to hear it or not!

I grew up in Montreal with my mom from the age of four (1975 – 1990), and spent my summers in France with my dad (1976 – 1988).  You could not find a kid more eager to tell you they were American.  I even joined the US Army at the tender age of nineteen to prove it!

When I was stationed in Germany while serving in the military (1992 – 1994), I was still proud, obviously, to be American, but would not go out of my way to showcase it when not in uniform.  It was more a case of being proud to be a multi-cultural American, so I went a little out of my way to demonstrate, to Europeans, that Americans came from all walks of life.

Also, this was the first time I came face to face with America’s own special brand of racism and classism.  

So, I was proud to be American but I was in no way going to deny my French Canadian upbringing peppered heavily with my love of everything French, European or Caribbean.

When my husband accepted a position in Germany with the Department of Defense (2003 – 2006), I was elated to return to Europe.  However I promptly played the French Canadian card so I wouldn’t have to deal with the increasingly negative sentiment Europeans had on America.  I never went so far as to deny being American if ask directly, but I did speak french or put on a Canadian accent when I played tourist around Europe.  I was sadden by the duplicity, but at the time, I was not politically savvy enough to either defend or argue American foreign policies.  I could feel the Anti-American climate and decided to wisely not put myself in the middle of it while in foreign land.  But I listened, from afar, to their reasonings and  to their arguments and I let that stew for a while in the back of my mind.

When I went to France in December of 2015, a little older, a little wiser and little more aware of the effect American politics has on global welfare, I was still proud to be American but a little less eager to shout it.  This time I didn’t put on any airs of being anything but American but it was definitely a heavy burden to bare.

All of a sudden my americanism was my albatross and my patriotic pride was put to the ultimate test… this deeply disturb me.  

This was not a question of avoiding rudeness from Europeans, this was about me, the once proud American kid, being ashamed of my country, and even worse, not being able to defend, in good conscious, some of the United State’s foreign policies and actions.

But even with my conflicting feelings, my pride in being American actually solidified while being surrounded by European disdain.  One of the reasons was my President, Barak Obama.  Despite my displeasure with some of his policies, and my downright fury with some of his inactions.  I was still immensely proud of my President.  His demeanor, his persona, his charisma was without reproach.  I realize this has nothing to do with how effective of a president he ultimately became, but a person who represents a whole nation must act a certain way, must display certain characteristic, must be the face of that country.  And I believe President Obama, and his family, represented my country with dignity and grace.

And here we are today, in 2017, and my American Pride has taken a nose dive straight into purgatory.  Not only do I vehemently oppose the policies of the current government in power— not that this would in any way sway my allegiance to my country, but I am deeply troubled by who we have chosen, as Americans, to be the face of our nation.  Decorum, grace, respect, restrain, are only a few of the expected character traits of a president, any president.

That I must tolerate the baffooneries of my president has severely tested the strength of my American Pride.  

Now, I hide in shame, for this man is making a mockery of the country I once proudly enlisted to defend.  It is not his policies, though they are deplorable in my humbled opinion.  It is his character, past and present, that is unacceptable.

I can forgive a man who acted immaturely, even cruelly,  in the past if he is truly repentant and demonstrates he has learned and grown wiser from those days.  I do not think anyone, American or foreign, can claim Mr. Trump has any shame for any past actions that were demeaning to women, racist towards monorities and immigrants, cruel towards middle and  lower class citizens, or disrespectful to anyone he deemed unworthy of his admiration at that particular moment.

Am I a proud American today?  Yes I am… but only because I choose to be!

I am not going to let who represents my country in this bleak time in our American Story define how I think of myself.  

I am shamed, I am embarrassed, I am outraged and incensed and deeply disturbed but I am not defeated  

I am not demoralized  I am not beaten nor put down nor am I going to let this man, my president, be the only face the world sees as representing America.

I am an American citizen.  I am an American veteran.  I am an American of color.  I am an American child of immigrants.  I am an American woman and mother.  

I am a proud American who represents her country proudly.

I represent my country!

C.  M.  Lovelace

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6/29/2017